Vignette: Painkillers

"My head hurts."

"Try some aspirin."

"Aspirin never works for me."

"Try some caffeine."

"Caffeine makes me nervous."

"Take a nap."

"I can't sleep; my head hurts."

"Did you want a solution here?"

"No, I want sympathy."

"How about a nice cup of tea?"

"That's not sympathy, that's caffeine."

"Look, it's the best I can do without turning into a girl."

"Sympathy makes you a girl?"

"Yes. Sympathy has to be expressed with an 'awwwwww' in a baby voice. That turns you into a girl. Instantly."

"Can't you just produce the sympathy and then switch back?"

"I'm not risking it."

"You might like being a girl."

"Nail polish. Panty hose. Lipstick. All that smiling. No, thank you."

"You claimed that women enjoy wearing panty hose."

"I lied."

"You'd never have to wear a tie again."

"Tempting, but insufficient."

"No draft."

"I'm already too old for the draft."

"You could take bubble baths."

"I can't wish for bubble baths without, again, turning into a girl."

"So you would wish for them if you could."

"We are not going there."

"You could cry."

"Oh, my God, no. That's worse than the panty hose."

"You could wear high heels."

"You've changed sides in this debate, haven't you?"

"Apparently. We could discuss girdles."

"Please tell me that women no longer wear girdles."

"Some of them do. They just have different names."

"We need to stop now."

"Am I giving you my headache?"

"Yes."

Image: By Stilfehler. Wikimedia Commons.